She Said WHAT!
by evgrrl09
Summary: Agent Chloe Jones is temporarily assigned to the BAU and is making a play at Morgan. Garcia isn't taking it too well so she asks JJ to do something completely out of the ordinary. M/G


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

"So that new Agent Jones is _awfully_ pretty," Penelope said as Derek was kissing up her neck late Wednesday night after he'd gotten home from the team's most recent case. His right hand was caressing her breasts and his left one moved across her belly. "She's ten times more sexy than I am right now with my stretch marks and giant belly and –"

He kissed her roughly and whispered, "I swear to God _you're_ ten times sexier than her and it's only _half_ due to you being pregnant with this little junior right now." Both his hands moved to her very pregnant belly and started rubbing slow, sensual circles on it. "Besides, Agent Jones is a puppy. I'm forty three. I don't have eyes for some kid; I've only got eyes for you." To prove his point, he pressed his raging bulge against her thigh and she giggled in appreciation. "See?" he laughed back, going to work on her neck again. His hands worked to spread her thighs apart and she moaned loudly as his hand stroked up and down her honey-soaked center in the perfect rhythm.

"Jesus Christ, husband dear," she groaned as he slid inside of her. "You are so –" Soon she found she couldn't speak anymore, juts moan and arch her hips against his. She was mumbling incoherently and let him do all the talking.

Whenever they made love Derek whispered little things to her; dirty things, loving things, everything. "God, I love you…" he murmured in her ear. His movements got faster and faster and she let out a scream as she came hard so hard she saw stars. After he spilled release inside of her, he collapsed down on the mattress. "I love you, Silly Girl," he murmured, kissing her again.

"Even if that Agent Jones is prettier than me?" she pouted teasingly.

He crumpled his face in an icky look. "Woman, Agent Jones is far from what I want," he said. "She whines far too much. I'm completely turned off by her."

Penelope got quiet for a moment. "She's just younger than me and she –"

Derek cut her off. "I cannot _stand_ that woman," he said, nibbling on her ear. He pulled her close to him and placed a kiss on her vanilla-scented neck. "Let's go to sleep, Baby," he whispered. "We've got a long day in the morning."

She murmured a muffled answer and was soon snoring softly.

XXXXX

"You dirty, dirty girl," Derek murmured, sidling up next to his wife as he was getting coffee and she was getting tea. "I saw that text message you sent me just a moment ago."

She smirked and stuck her cherry lollipop that she was sucking on back in her mouth. When she'd gotten pregnant, an insatiable craving for the candy had arisen and she was sucking on them all day long most of the time. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said, batting her eyelashes in faux innocence.

"Oh, but I think you do," he said, sticking his chin in the crook of her neck from behind her. "The one…" He placed a kiss on her shoulder. "Where you told me…" Another one landed on the middle of her neck. "You're not wearing any…" He took her earlobe in her before whispering, "Panties."

She giggled. "Oh, that one!"

"Oh good grief, you two are nauseating!" Prentiss said, pretending to stick her finger in her throat. "Can you just get a room already?" She pulled her coffee mug over to the pot and started to pour herself some.

"Silly Emily Prentiss," Penelope said, not letting Derek release her just yet. "You should know by now that we're not nauseating. We're _in love_!"

"Who is in love?"

Penelope almost bristled when she saw Agent Chloe Jones sauntering into the kitchen where she, Derek, and Prentiss were standing. She didn't know why she despised the younger agent so much. She was only with the BAU temporarily, but what truly got to her was how she went after her husband. It wasn't in Penelope's head either; she explicitly flirted with him when Penelope was in the room, she called him nicknames only Penelope called her. The worst was the time she'd overheard a conversation between the younger agent and Jordan Todd, another agent who had done a stint with the BAU at one point.

"I just don't understand how the two of them got together," Chloe had said to Jordan while she was stirring her coffee. "I mean, you worked with the BAU before. Were they always like that?"

Jordan had scoffed. "Oh yeah," she'd said. "I couldn't get anywhere with him. He was always making googly eyes at her. At first I thought he just wanted to…I don't know, slum it, but he's _still_ married to her. And they're expecting a _baby_."

"I'm going to try and get him in bed with me," Chloe had laughed. "He won't be able to resist some of me. I can bet he'll say I'm the best he's ever had."

That conversation had sealed the deal on the dislike of Agent Jones for Penelope.

"I am," Derek said happily, dipping Penelope down so he could kiss her.

Chloe's lips pursed. "Aw, that's so sweet," she said in a sugary voice. She started to put sugar in her coffee. "Derek, I was wondering if you would help me with a special project Hotch has me doing tonight?" she asked. She tried batting her eyelashes at him and Penelope had to force herself not to gag.

Derek shook his head. "Er, sorry Chloe," he said. "I can't tonight. We've got Reid coming over to help paint the nursery for this little one." He looked down at Penelope's distended belly and rubbed a small circle with his thumb.

"Oh, but it's a really important –"

Prentiss let out a gasp and looked at her watch. "Check this out!" she exclaimed. "We've got a meeting in the round table room in five minutes! Let's go, guys." She winked at Penelope and they all started for the round table room.

"That Emily Prentiss," Derek said with a smile. "I love her resourcefulness."

Penelope smirked, but somehow it didn't meet her eyes. Chloe's consistent pursuit of Derek was driving her crazy. And she had one great idea of how she might fix it.

XXXXX

"You want me to _what_?" JJ asked with her mouth gaping open. She stared at Penelope's nodding face. Her mouth had dropped about another inch lower. "You seriously want me to help you with this? Are you even sure you want to do this?"

Penelope nodded. "I'm completely sure," she said decisively. "I think it would be the best way to get that bitch Agent Jones away from my man."

"But there isn't a better way than – well, than _this_?"

"Oh, there may be a better way," she said. "But this one will be the best way."

XXXXX

"Baby Girl? I got your te – Whoa!"

Derek gazed at his wife who was sitting with her legs crossed on her desk when he came in, wearing nothing but her bra, panties with garters attached, and a pair of high red heels. She had a Cheshire cat grin on her face and immediately Derek felt like the room was a thousand degrees too hot. He tugged at the collar on his shirt and sauntered forward, pure hunger on his face. "Wow," he whistled.

"You know," she started in an extremely sexual voice, "I wasn't sure how this look would appear with me being pregnant and all, but I kinda like it." He was now directly in front of her and she pulled him into her by wrapping her legs around his waist and hooking them behind him. She started to pull his shirt from his pants and unbuttoned it.

He grasped her wrists and kissed her deeply. "I think you look so…fuckable like this," he growled hungrily. His hands started to cup her breasts, now slightly fuller than before because of her pregnancy. He let out a groan as her hands unzipped his fly and she touched him in a way that made him go crazy.

Unhooking her legs from behind him, she slid to her feet and started to push him backwards towards her desk chair. "Sit," she commanded.

Immediately he dropped to his bottom and grinned his brilliant thousand watt smile at her. "Yes ma'am!" She began to straddle his waist and dropped kisses along his neck and jawline, nibbling on his ear at moments. When she finally satisfied the aching need for him by kissing him directly on the lips, he ran his hands over her belly and leaned down to kiss where their child was. "Lift your hips for me momentarily." She stood up and slid down onto him a moment later. He filled her so completely and gasping, she ripped his shirt off him, baring his incredible chest to her eyes only.

Panting, she whispered in his ear, "Oh God, Derek!" she panted.

"Ride me," he ordered gently. As she ground her hips against him in the perfect rocking motion, his head tilted backwards and he opened his eyes to reveal fully dilated pupils. "Jesus, woman," he said through gritted teeth.

Before a passionate respond could escape her lips, a knock came from the door and the knob started to turn. "Oh, shit," Penelope muttered. "We forgot to lock the door!"

"Oh Derek?" Chloe's voice sang. She sounded interestingly chipper. "JJ said you wanted to talk to me in private and in Penel –" Her mouth dropped when she saw Penelope straddling Derek's waist and still intimately connected.

"Oh shit!" Penelope cried. "I'm so sorry, Chloe! Give us a minute and we'll be out of here in just a few minutes."

Chloe's face dropped a million feet and she stumbled out of the room, slamming the door behind her. A moment of silence occurred between Derek and Penelope before they started to laugh uncontrollably. "If that doesn't throw her off my trail, I don't know what will," Derek snickered.

Penelope kissed him deeply before saying, "I think if we're really, really quiet we can finish this up."

"Hell yes we can," he said with a grin before they finished what they had started.

XXXXX

Both Penelope and Derek emerged from her office and they headed hand in hand back to the bullpen where Chloe was sitting wide-eyed at her desk. When she saw Derek, she shot up from her seat.

"Derek!" she called.

He glanced over in her direction. "Oh, yeah?" he said.

"JJ said you needed to talk to me about something," she said with a desperate look in her eyes, like she was still praying Derek had been wanting to talk to her. "I know you got, er, distracted, but was there something you really needed to talk to me about?"

Derek looked at the ceiling as if thinking about something and trying to remember, but couldn't. "Hmm, nope," he said. "Can't seem to think about it right now. If I happen to remember, I'll let you know." He nodded to her. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm taking my beautiful wife to lunch."

Penelope stood back a tad bit. "I want to apologize to Agent Jones here more thoroughly, Hot Stuff," she said, attempting to hide a smirk. "I'll meet you by the elevator."

He kissed her cheek and gave her bottom a swat right in front of Chloe for good measure. "Okay then," he said, walking with a slight bit of swagger to his step.

Leaning closer to the younger agent, Penelope whispered, "I suggest you take that little…episode as a hint that my husband is _not_ interested in you." Ignoring Chloe's outraged look, she waved and added, "Bye Agent Jones!" before rushing off to join her husband for lunch.

XXXXX

"She asked you to do _what_?" Prentiss demanded of JJ as they were in her office, getting ready to go to lunch.

"She asked me to send Chloe down to her office while she had sex with Derek so that Chloe would take the hint and stop making moves on him," JJ said, shivering. "God, I'm so glad I didn't have to see that. From what Chloe was whining to Jordan about, I'd say it was pretty dirty."

Prentiss just shook her head. "Oh good grief," she muttered. "That's our PG. Always coming up with creative ideas."

"True dat," JJ agreed. "Now come on. Let's go get some lunch. _Away_ from the icky, icky lovebirds with the rabbit-like sex drives."


End file.
